Phone Phobe
April 25, 2006

For fun, I took the sleep test. There's tests like this all over the internet, and I take them every once in a while, mostly out of boredom. They're kinda fun, and they're sometimes accurate. So I started clicking away to find my sleep position.

I don't think this is your ordinary "Which Geeky Cartoon Celebrity Pirate Zombie are You?!" quiz, because it was eerily accurate. Especially the part in my results about opting to respond to a phone message with an e-mail. Upon reading that, I was cowering at my desk, whispering to myself, "How do they KNOW?"

I'm not a phone person. Given the option between e-mailing, text messaging, or a phone call. Option C is usually my last resort. It's not that I don't like talking to people, because I do. I'm just, kind of, well, weird about the phone. Those of you who are reading this and who have actually talked to me on the phone are probably thinking, "Wha?" Let me 'splain.

First off, if I'm calling you, especially if it's for no reason in particular, I feel like I'm bothering you. Chances are, I'm probably not, but this feeling overwhelms me anyways. I know. Issues. Number two, people have phone mannerisms. They answer a certain way, they have certain things they say to let you know they're still listening, they say goodbye a certain way, etc. Until I'm able to figure out some of your phone mannerisms, calling you is going to make me nervous. There was a time when I had to call the boyfriend's brother to arrange a carpool thing, and I had to call right THEN. He was about to go see a movie (where his phone would be off), and I might not be able to talk to him until it was too late. So I stood there in an Old Navy, a sweaty palm holding my cell phone to my ear, and when I got his voice mail, I thanked god, and left a message in my shaky little voice. I AM SO BRAVE.

Yes, I know how ridiculous this sounds. It's exceedingly ridiculous because almost all of my former jobs have involved me answering phones and calling people back. I hated every minute of it. One of the reasons I took my current job was because there would be a whole lot less of this phone answering business. You'd think I'd be used to it by now. Ha! The silly thing is, once I've actually talked to you a few times on the phone, I'm usually okay with it. Eventually, I'll even get to a point where the thought of calling you back doesn't paralyze me with fear.

That day I had to call Seth while standing in the middle of Old Navy was at least a year ago, and at present, I have absolutely no problem giving him a call. And out of everyone I know, he's the one who I should be the most hesitant about, because he frequently tries to pretend he's someone else when answering his phone. Which brings us to another one of my quirky phone issues...dialing the wrong number! THE HORROR!



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© Whitney Brandt-Hiatt: All writing, images, and photogrpahy are the property of Whitney Brandt-Hiatt unless otherwise noted.