January 02, 2008 | It's a Glass Half-empty Kind of Day
To the rather expensive coat I ordered this morning:
I love you, but in the back of my head, I know you will either be ill fitting or look terrible on me. I had to find out for sure though. It will pain me to return you, but undoubtedly, I will. I'm already sad and you haven't even arrived yet.
To the brown cable knit sweater I decided to wear today:
You are the worst sweater EVER. I cannot deny that you are soft and cozy, but this incessant shedding thing has got to STOP! It appears that I have been rubbing my arms all over my legs today. However, I assure you, I have not been rubbing my arms all over my legs today.
To the large jar of jelly beans sitting on my desk:
I love you, also. Perhaps too much. I wish you would leap into the trash when I walk away from my desk. That way I won't even realize you're gone. But perhaps I should eat just one more first...
I've been grumpy and irritable all day, and I'm not entirely sure why. Possibly lack of sleep, and definitely too much sugar. I think the only cure right now is some retail therapy at Target. I need to go there anyways, but now I'll feel less guilty about wandering through the clothing and jewelry section.
I'll throw myself on that container of jelly beans if you like. No, don't thank me, it's just the kind of friend I am. I will take that bullet. Especially if they have the Dr Pepper flavored ones in.
You and I, we are star-crossed lovers. You adore my sweet ways, tempted by my multi-flavored personality. But you feel betrayed by my low nutritional content. I love you enough to do you the service of leaping from this desk forever. However, I cannot, as I'm without the physical capacity to do so. Trapped, we must continue this relationship of passion, woe, and green lime flavors.
J. Bean Montague
I can relate... I get those days, too, especially during those very special days in the month. Great post -- made me smile and chuckle because it speaks so much truth.
Target makes everything better. You can quote me.